Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Asshat Frat Crew Weekend

OK, well they all weren't here. Actually it was just Hoy, myself, and the honorary member of the AFC that is CK. Things all started Friday afternoon when I met Hoy at MGM for a little cash before he had to go to his fancy dinner. We sat at a $1/$2 table together and were immediately entertained by a d-bag sitting in seat 8. This kid was maybe 22, had the hoodie, sunglasses and all. The guy next to him had to of been his brother and he was dressed exactly the same. These two flew to Vegas to play $1/$2 dress up, god I love people like this! Nothing much happened while Hoy was there other than me raising A8h, flop Q88 and some jacktard shoved it in with QJo. So Hoy leaves, I really want to play $2/$5, but god I want to bust this kid who was critiquing everyone's play and re loading $100 at a time like a little bitch. So I decide to stay and proceed to get him all in on the flop three times when he held AA/KK/AA in like maybe three orbits. I flopped a flush the first time, second time I flopped pair, straight draw, and flush draw with 35s, last time I think I flopped a set, I'm not sure, doesn't matter though because he was felted all three times. He went absolutely ballistic after each and every one! I was giving the dealer $10 every time I cracked him, and the dealer was giving him more and more shit about his conduct. Finally the floor came over, he told the floor to fuck off, and said he wanted to kick my ass.... The only problem was this kid was maybe 5'9" 150lbs. My wife would knock this guy out, seriously, CK could karate chop him and its over even! To make a long story short he was escorted out of the MGM and told to never come back. Only problem was he was staying at MGM, whoops :) Go back to Iowa d-bag and learn how to control pot sizes....

OK so over to $2/$5 now thank god. I win a lot of medium sized pots right away, pretty weak table, all predictable players with no heart. Tables like this are awesome because you just know if they fire back they are huge. So I'm already up to $1200 without a showdown when this hand happens. I get 2d3d on the btn, I love hands like this, and I really love snapping big hands off with shit like this cause it tilts people to death. EP raise to $15, I call on Btn, older guy in BB makes it $55 with about $300 behind. OR calls, so I call since implied odds at MGM are like a billion to one every hand and I have position. The flop is A35 with two diamonds and old man only bets $60. OR folds, I am thinking this guy has QQ, KK, or AA like 100% of the time here. That bet looks like a probe to me as most older men aren't really skillful in setting traps or trying to induce bluffs. I am never drawing dead hear no matter what, and I really think a raise here will make him fold 2/3 of the hands I put him on. So I bump it to $215, he shakes his head and just throws whatever he had left in, I have to call, he sheepishly rolls over QQ, and I muck when I miss my trillion outs. Oh well, I don't mind losing pots I should of won and was actually in great shape in anyway. Anyway, I get back up to $900ish, EP raises to $20, this guy on Btn whom I have made fold a lot of hands and who happens to hate me now makes it $85, SB folds, I look at AA, unreal. I make it $195, OR folds, Btn immediately makes it $400 something with only like $120 behind, so I just say ship it, he calls immediately with QQ, CK walks up and gets to watch me drag a $1200-$1300 pot in a cash game with AA all in pre. How that ever happens I will never know!

OK, so now to a $1/$2 game with CK, Hoy, and I think Blinders made a guest appearance, but I can never remember since he never plays more than one hand per four hours. We were having a blast with CK in 8 seat, me in 9, Hoy in 10. CK would straddle, I would blind raise the straddle and so on. So 1/3 of the time this poor table was getting super pissed cause they had no idea how to react to our idiocy. It even got to the point where the guy next to CK would just leave when it was his BB just so she couldn't straddle. Literally every time he would just get up, come back after btn passed. Ever heard of a table change? People on the rail were whispering and pointing when I showed a couple hammers, it was pretty funny. I made some nice hands, cant remember how, got up to like $600 at one point, CK had like $900, it was funny cause I don't remember much till this little nerd showed up. This kid looked like a 12 year old Robert Varkoni! Anyway, his first hand I blind raise CKs straddle to $10, Hoy folds, Mr Wizard makes it $40 while getting filled in by the other end of the table about how crazy and bad we all are. So I don't think this guy is that strong here at all, he's just trying to set the tone and win some free money. The whole tables folds, I have KsTs, insta call, flop T high, check, he bets $45, I make it $145, he effectively calls since that was like his whole buy in, proudly flips 88, turn is 8, oh well bad shit happens, at least I was right. Later on the whole table limps, myself included with JJ. I play hands weird, and different all the time. So I don't want to hear about "how bad my play is there". Anyway, Euro on Btn makes it like $20 I believe, and gets 3-4 callers. Now I know 90% of the time this guy is very weak and just trying to thin the field and have position in a nice sized pot he can win often with a c-bet. Clearly all the callers are SUPER weak after limping pre and just calling the raise. There is like $80-$100 or something just sitting there to be stolen so I make it $145 or something. Everyone folds all pissy like till some jackass says ok lets gamble and calls with QT, why he showed his losing hand I will never know, if I ever called an all in pre in a cash game with a QT I would muck it, and probably go to the parking garage and kill myself, but whatever. All in all we had a blast I would say. We weren't even drinking and it was some of the most fun I have ever had playing poker!

The next day I proceeded to flop top set and lose again at Venetian tournament. Some idiot named Hoy went on to win over $50K, blah blah blah. I went back to MGM and continued my luck streak, took another grand out of the $2/$5 game, all was well. All in all I had a blast, and it was great to see all of us win money. How often does that happen?

Oh and when I woke up on Sunday I decided I was not going to play poker at all until I noticed the MSOP had a $500 HORSE event. How could I turn that down? It got crap shooty at the end and in LHE I could not catch 5 handed blind vs blind AK vs TT, and AQ later vs K3 for 4 bets pre, guy flops 3, gg me cause nobody's folding a 3! So I have a 1st, 1st, and 5th in these MSOP events and I am only #3 on the MSOP leaderboard. That is gheyer than waffles topless!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Won another MSOP Event, this one MLHE. I was super short three handed and cracked KK with Q6, never looked back from there. If only I could ever run good in live MTT :( I lose like its my job as 3:1 fav in live MTTs.... Haven't been playing at all for over a week really, family commitments. I am 99% playing either the $1500 WSOP, the $500 at Venetian, or the Omaha /8 over at Nugget this Saturday. Kind of hard to justify playing WSOP with their shit structure and high buy ins.... Plus I still have that money bubbling fresh in my head all in pre with AK vs KJ for twice avg stack 10-15 from money.... After all my other close calls at RIO its hard to even walk in the place. It would be like a rape victim willingly going back to her rape seen. What kind of sicko does that?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

OK, Panic Over

Bank Wires on Stars and FTP work, and they work fast FYI. End life tilt/

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Yet again I am stuck in the middle of payout processor problems with the major poker sites. It wasn't what three years ago when I had a huge amount stuck in neteller right? Well now I am getting checks that are bouncing from FTP and Stars, FTP was nice and at least gave me a bonus I guess. Too most this is not a big deal, to me it is huge considering I have a pretty large sum of money out there floating in the internet toooobs...... This is really it this time though, I am emptying everything (if I ever can). Our government is really out to get internet gambling, apparently there is nothing else going on in our country right now that requires attention? I am not playing a hand of poker until I get all or at least most of my money off line. Just thinking about poker tilts me so hard right now. There is not a chance I could play smart right now being tilted before the first shuffle.....

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Day One

Well the $560 at Venetian sucked balls as I knew it would. I busted before the first break even. We started with 15K chips, blinds were 75/150 when I have three "Venetian hands" happen to me in a span of 11 minutes I bet. AK vs AQ, A44 flop, bet, I raise, call, turn 6, bets, I raise, call, river Q, bets, I just call, he tables AQ. AK again, raise pre, re raise, call, AK4 flop, check, bet, call, turn 7, check, bet, raise, I just call, river 9, bets, I just call cause I have sick Venetian feeling, yes he tables 444. The very next hand, raise, re raise, call AK hearts. Flop A94 with two hearts, so nut flush draw + TPTK, check, bet, check raise, ship it, call, 999, turn heart, river pairs, gg me.... I played cash for half hour waiting for break to check on CK only to find a typical Venetian $2/$5 game, 4 guys over 70 and three Asians.... Yeah, cya!

Off to Caesars... There is a wait for $2/$5 so I get on list and sit at $1/$3. First hand I get, KK, raise to $15, make it $40 on Btn, SB shoves $140, OR re ships $240, I'm not good enough to fold KK here, MTT maybe, not in $1/$3 though. SB proudly displays QQ, OR tables AQ, neither get there, thx guys.... OK so maybe I'm going to just stick to this table I say. So later this guy and myself were going to war all night, I was already sitting on like $900, he had $400. He raises, I just call with AQ, like I had been all night, floating or re-raising him every chance I had. The look of misery on his face was just so worth it, I couldn't help it. Flop QQ4 two diamonds weeee!!! He bets $40, I make it $95 to disguise my hand and further piss him off. He makes it $220 and tells me "i'm not going to let you hit your flush draw". So I say OK, awwwwllll in since I am 1000% sure he is strong and calling. He turns over KQ, the dealer deals the turn and river. After I show him AQ he says "I never called". This was perhaps the funniest thing I have ever heard. I called floor over, turn over turn and river and explained to him what happened. Floor laughs and tells the dealer to give me the pot. God I hate cheating fucks. So I jizzed off couple hundred to others, but finished this tool box off with 79 sooooted and he goes bezerk, literally ran out of the room cursing. God that was one of the best cash sessions I've ever had. I could of lost and just been happy to life tilt someone THAT HARD!! All told I left with $1250, not bad for a $1/$3 game. This further proves my claim that cash at the more touristy hotels is MUCH BETTER. F YOU VENETIAN!!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Taking This Show on the Road

OK boys and girls, just like the title says I am taking this sheeeeet live. Until the first week of July I plan to play live 5-6 days per week. Don't fret, you can still get my updates on this new thing the young whipper snappers are calling twitter.... My name there is cracknaces and hopefully I will figure all this crap out so I can post from the tables. This works out well for all of you bored working stiffs I guess, you can live vicariously through me from your cubicles! Or you can sit back and laugh (haters know who they are) as I get two outed on again for $100K, whichever you prefer... Here is what's on the agenda until July 5th.

- I will be working off a pretty slim live allowance I have set for myself ($15K). I have every intention of winning something or losing all of this, whichever comes first. No blinders I do not want an ROI lesson or "bankroll management" advice. This is straight up gamble money, plain and simple....

- A very steady dose of $2/$5 cash ONLY at Rio, Bellagio, MGM, or Caesars. That's right, F Venetian and their rocks! I will play these after MTTs, or on days when there are no MTTs going on that I am interested in. Without a doubt though I will be playing cash all night long every Friday and Saturday, if I am not feel free to kick my ass.

- At least 4 MTTs per week. There are plenty to choose from right now between WSOP, Venetian, Caesars, Binions, even the Golden Nugget. As of now I only plan to play one WSOP event, the gay $1500 that Hoyazo is in and other bloggers I am sure. Please don't contact me with % swaps unless you have won something before, unless I get 1/2 of you and you get 1% of me :)

- A lot of satellites at RIO, Venetian, Caesars. These things are very profitable for anyone with any grasp of ICM, SNG theory, patience, and well basically common sense. As an added bonus you get to crush people's dreams in the process! WSOP sats are ideal because there are more bad players and lamers are easy to sell off (or at least they used to be). If I get hot in satellites like I did in 06 I will play a lot of events though, just never RAZZ again EVER!

Things are going to start off slowly as I have some loose ends to tie up before I dive into this venture. I will not be playing until Saturday unfortunately. Rest is what I really need right now, I am still hung over from Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.... Saturday I will probably play the $300 NLHE over at Golden Nugget only because the field will be small and its not a 2 day event. The damn TOC is killing me, I can't commit to a two-day event because of it, and my favorite game (HORSE) is being played at Venetian Sunday :(

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Yeah, I Really Pissed Jebus Off

4:1 to take massive chip lead 3 handed :(

Fuck You Poker Jebus

I'm glad they put you on a cross.... No cards, get re raised every steal, and finally run AQ into AA 5 handed??? No wonder everyone hated you and kicked your ass!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Sundays Can Still Suck My Cock buuuuttt..

Two massive coolers in each to finish 3rd and 4th since it is Sunday after all.... JJ vs QQ 3 handed blind vs blind, and 555KK vs quads against guy who raised pre and checked to the river. I should thank my lucky stars though, I don't remember much, too busy gabbing on radio, being drunk, hungover, only got 3 hours sleep. I didn't even know I was at final table till someone in girly chat told me and we were 7 handed I think. I do remember flopping two sets and losing though AND getting KQ all in pre vs KK, making gutter as well as 78s vs 99 whiffing flop all in pre M shove going runner runner 7, 8 lol @ Stars RNG, some things never change.... So still F you Sundays!