Why Am I So Results Orientated?

So I made a couple final tables today at FTP... That's right, I have been playin g on FTP for like a week or two now. Apparently my doom switch is still stuck in the on position as obviously somebody at Full Tilt has AIDS and took great offense to my remarks of the past..... I have had countless deep runs the past couple days only to get all in good and lose every time it seems when it matters most. Case in point the $32K tonight.
I had the chip lead from about three tables down, raising about every pot and winning non-stop uncontested. At the final table I go pretty dead after losing a race AQ vs 88. I get AK with 6 left vs table crazy and shorty. I floated the crazy for 90K and shorty moves 280K all in, crazy shoves all in, now there is about 3mil in the pot. Obviously I have to call here since I am race or killing this guy.... So I end up chopping a 3mil chip pot which I would of had four handed vs 800K and lower of the 3 remaining players!
See most people are happy to get 4th of 1700+ rabid donks (imagine running through a field of 1700 mookie players)! I am steaming right now, pissed as hell! I guess someday I will just be able to count my lucky stars... Really after that hand happened I got 88 all in vs shorty who had KK, and lost 77 vs AQ 4 handed, hands that play themselves. But like the title of this post indicated I am way to results orientated, I can't stand not winning :(
This one hurt as well..... It is a turbo though so I can stomach not winning this one a lot more easily than the others. Just go card dead on final table and lose every race, its very easy!!
Starting to notice a recurring theme from this evening yet? I mean seriously, a guy rivered a gutter ball on this final table vs me in big pot, get K8 all in last hand, A88 flop, A river, gg me.... F You FTP and your hatred for AIDS jokes!!!

Anyway, made ghey final table of HORSE, never really got anything going. Got it in good in RAZZ and lost, what else is new. Lost RAZZ MTT at FTP yesterday in 2nd place to the worst poker player in history. I mean that guy made pirate lawyers poker ability look like Doyle Brunson! He was that HIDEOUS! Admittedly though I played like ass myself after watching these people play RAZZ I went bananas a couple times...

Gonna skip work today and head over to Venetian with Don and Dollar Sign AKA: Smokkee so I can donate $330 to the peeps over there. I have never run good at this hell hole in my entire life! When I used to play live a lot I final tabled like probably a dozen times there and NEVER won outright! Chopped a tiny one once though at least I guess.... I am such an idiot for even going over there for this, may the force be with me....