BlogForEntryInBloggaments

2010-04-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Growth as a Sports Fan

2009-09-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

OK, I will not rant about how every media memeber and person who has never played football gives the QB all the credit and all the blame. Most of you will just never understand how dependant a QB is on his team. I can understand this because I have just not realized that a high percentage of football fans have in fact never played football. That's cool, I get it.....

Anyway, Tennis has become my silly little closet obsession. Even though I feel like a little faggot sometimes coming out of the closet watching tennis I have to admit, this is one helluva sport!!!! All these media a-holes everywhere lick people like Tiger Wookds taint all day when the fact of the matter is Roger Federerer and many other tennis players are 55 times the athlete Woods will ever be! Yeah, I can hear all you golf fans gasping..... I have news for all of you, GOLF IS NOT A SPORT, IT IS A HOBBY!!! Comparing golfs best player every day on sportscenter is like comparing the worlds chess champion to Michael Phelps, POINTLESS! He swings a little stick at a little white ball! Gold is 100% mental! If you do not believe me I have one name for you, JOHNfuckinDALY! If this guy is an athlete I am flying to Maui to win the IronMan contest next week! Golf is (used to be) the white mans one claim to athletic excellence, it is time to finally recognize this GAME is not a spot. Anyway, back to tennis. These people are incredible athletes, and they deserve way more ESPN time than people who swing thin sticks (waffles penis joke obv) at small white balls... End of Rant /

Asshat Frat Crew Weekend

2009-06-30T00:50:00.000-07:00

OK, well they all weren't here. Actually it was just Hoy, myself, and the honorary member of the AFC that is CK. Things all started Friday afternoon when I met Hoy at MGM for a little cash before he had to go to his fancy dinner. We sat at a $1/$2 table together and were immediately entertained by a d-bag sitting in seat 8. This kid was maybe 22, had the hoodie, sunglasses and all. The guy next to him had to of been his brother and he was dressed exactly the same. These two flew to Vegas to play $1/$2 dress up, god I love people like this! Nothing much happened while Hoy was there other than me raising A8h, flop Q88 and some jacktard shoved it in with QJo. So Hoy leaves, I really want to play $2/$5, but god I want to bust this kid who was critiquing everyone's play and re loading $100 at a time like a little bitch. So I decide to stay and proceed to get him all in on the flop three times when he held AA/KK/AA in like maybe three orbits. I flopped a flush the first time, second time I flopped pair, straight draw, and flush draw with 35s, last time I think I flopped a set, I'm not sure, doesn't matter though because he was felted all three times. He went absolutely ballistic after each and every one! I was giving the dealer $10 every time I cracked him, and the dealer was giving him more and more shit about his conduct. Finally the floor came over, he told the floor to fuck off, and said he wanted to kick my ass.... The only problem was this kid was maybe 5'9" 150lbs. My wife would knock this guy out, seriously, CK could karate chop him and its over even! To make a long story short he was escorted out of the MGM and told to never come back. Only problem was he was staying at MGM, whoops :) Go back to Iowa d-bag and learn how to control pot sizes....

OK so over to $2/$5 now thank god. I win a lot of medium sized pots right away, pretty weak table, all predictable players with no heart. Tables like this are awesome because you just know if they fire back they are huge. So I'm already up to $1200 without a showdown when this hand happens. I get 2d3d on the btn, I love hands like this, and I really love snapping big hands off with shit like this cause it tilts people to death. EP raise to $15, I call on Btn, older guy in BB makes it $55 with about $300 behind. OR calls, so I call since implied odds at MGM are like a billion to one every hand and I have position. The flop is A35 with two diamonds and old man only bets $60. OR folds, I am thinking this guy has QQ, KK, or AA like 100% of the time here. That bet looks like a probe to me as most older men aren't really skillful in setting traps or trying to induce bluffs. I am never drawing dead hear no matter what, and I really think a raise here will make him fold 2/3 of the hands I put him on. So I bump it to $215, he shakes his head and just throws whatever he had left in, I have to call, he sheepishly rolls over QQ, and I muck when I miss my trillion outs. Oh well, I don't mind losing pots I should of won and was actually in great shape in anyway. Anyway, I get back up to $900ish, EP raises to $20, this guy on Btn whom I have made fold a lot of hands and who happens to hate me now makes it $85, SB folds, I look at AA, unreal. I make it $195, OR folds, Btn immediately makes it $400 something with only like $120 behind, so I just say ship it, he calls immediately with QQ, CK walks up and gets to watch me drag a $1200-$1300 pot in a cash game with AA all in pre. How that ever happens I will never know!

OK, so now to a $1/$2 game with CK, Hoy, and I think Blinders made a guest appearance, but I can never remember since he never plays more than one hand per four hours. We were having a blast with CK in 8 seat, me in 9, Hoy in 10. CK would straddle, I would blind raise the straddle and so on. So 1/3 of the time this poor table was getting super pissed cause they had no idea how to react to our idiocy. It even got to the point where the guy next to CK would just leave when it was his BB just so she couldn't straddle. Literally every time he would just get up, come back after btn passed. Ever heard of a table change? People on the rail were whispering and pointing when I showed a couple hammers, it was pretty funny. I made some nice hands, cant remember how, got up to like $600 at one point, CK had like $900, it was funny cause I don't remember much till this little nerd showed up. This kid looked like a 12 year old Robert Varkoni! Anyway, his first hand I blind raise CKs straddle to $10, Hoy folds, Mr Wizard makes it $40 while getting filled in by the other end of the table about how crazy and bad we all are. So I don't think this guy is that strong here at all, he's just trying to set the tone and win some free money. The whole tables folds, I have KsTs, insta call, flop T high, check, he bets $45, I make it $145, he effectively calls since that was like his whole buy in, proudly flips 88, turn is 8, oh well bad shit happens, at least I was right. Later on the whole table limps, myself included with JJ. I play hands weird, and different all the time. So I don't want to hear about "how bad my play is there". Anyway, Euro on Btn makes it like $20 I believe, and gets 3-4 callers. Now I know 90% of the time this guy is very weak and just trying to thin the field and have position in a nice sized pot he can win often with a c-bet. Clearly all the callers are SUPER weak after limping pre and just calling the raise. There is like $80-$100 or something just sitting there to be stolen so I make it $145 or something. Everyone folds all pissy like till some jackass says ok lets gamble and calls with QT, why he showed his losing hand I will never know, if I ever called an all in pre in a cash game with a QT I would muck it, and probably go to the parking garage and kill myself, but whatever. All in all we had a blast I would say. We weren't even drinking and it was some of the most fun I have ever had playing poker!

The next day I proceeded to flop top set and lose again at Venetian tournament. Some idiot named Hoy went on to win over $50K, blah blah blah. I went back to MGM and continued my luck streak, took another grand out of the $2/$5 game, all was well. All in all I had a blast, and it was great to see all of us win money. How often does that happen?

Oh and when I woke up on Sunday I decided I was not going to play poker at all until I noticed the MSOP had a $500 HORSE event. How could I turn that down? It got crap shooty at the end and in LHE I could not catch 5 handed blind vs blind AK vs TT, and AQ later vs K3 for 4 bets pre, guy flops 3, gg me cause nobody's folding a 3! So I have a 1st, 1st, and 5th in these MSOP events and I am only #3 on the MSOP leaderboard. That is gheyer than waffles topless!

Again?

2009-06-24T21:56:00.001-07:00

Won another MSOP Event, this one MLHE. I was super short three handed and cracked KK with Q6, never looked back from there. If only I could ever run good in live MTT :( I lose like its my job as 3:1 fav in live MTTs.... Haven't been playing at all for over a week really, family commitments. I am 99% playing either the $1500 WSOP, the $500 at Venetian, or the Omaha /8 over at Nugget this Saturday. Kind of hard to justify playing WSOP with their shit structure and high buy ins.... Plus I still have that money bubbling fresh in my head all in pre with AK vs KJ for twice avg stack 10-15 from money.... After all my other close calls at RIO its hard to even walk in the place. It would be like a rape victim willingly going back to her rape seen. What kind of sicko does that?

OK, Panic Over

2009-06-11T09:54:00.001-07:00

Bank Wires on Stars and FTP work, and they work fast FYI. End life tilt/

Puke

2009-06-09T23:11:00.000-07:00

Yet again I am stuck in the middle of payout processor problems with the major poker sites. It wasn't what three years ago when I had a huge amount stuck in neteller right? Well now I am getting checks that are bouncing from FTP and Stars, FTP was nice and at least gave me a bonus I guess. Too most this is not a big deal, to me it is huge considering I have a pretty large sum of money out there floating in the internet toooobs...... This is really it this time though, I am emptying everything (if I ever can). Our government is really out to get internet gambling, apparently there is nothing else going on in our country right now that requires attention? I am not playing a hand of poker until I get all or at least most of my money off line. Just thinking about poker tilts me so hard right now. There is not a chance I could play smart right now being tilted before the first shuffle.....

Day One

2009-06-06T03:45:00.000-07:00

Well the $560 at Venetian sucked balls as I knew it would. I busted before the first break even. We started with 15K chips, blinds were 75/150 when I have three "Venetian hands" happen to me in a span of 11 minutes I bet. AK vs AQ, A44 flop, bet, I raise, call, turn 6, bets, I raise, call, river Q, bets, I just call, he tables AQ. AK again, raise pre, re raise, call, AK4 flop, check, bet, call, turn 7, check, bet, raise, I just call, river 9, bets, I just call cause I have sick Venetian feeling, yes he tables 444. The very next hand, raise, re raise, call AK hearts. Flop A94 with two hearts, so nut flush draw + TPTK, check, bet, check raise, ship it, call, 999, turn heart, river pairs, gg me.... I played cash for half hour waiting for break to check on CK only to find a typical Venetian $2/$5 game, 4 guys over 70 and three Asians.... Yeah, cya!

Off to Caesars... There is a wait for $2/$5 so I get on list and sit at $1/$3. First hand I get, KK, raise to $15, make it $40 on Btn, SB shoves $140, OR re ships $240, I'm not good enough to fold KK here, MTT maybe, not in $1/$3 though. SB proudly displays QQ, OR tables AQ, neither get there, thx guys.... OK so maybe I'm going to just stick to this table I say. So later this guy and myself were going to war all night, I was already sitting on like $900, he had $400. He raises, I just call with AQ, like I had been all night, floating or re-raising him every chance I had. The look of misery on his face was just so worth it, I couldn't help it. Flop QQ4 two diamonds weeee!!! He bets $40, I make it $95 to disguise my hand and further piss him off. He makes it $220 and tells me "i'm not going to let you hit your flush draw". So I say OK, awwwwllll in since I am 1000% sure he is strong and calling. He turns over KQ, the dealer deals the turn and river. After I show him AQ he says "I never called". This was perhaps the funniest thing I have ever heard. I called floor over, turn over turn and river and explained to him what happened. Floor laughs and tells the dealer to give me the pot. God I hate cheating fucks. So I jizzed off couple hundred to others, but finished this tool box off with 79 sooooted and he goes bezerk, literally ran out of the room cursing. God that was one of the best cash sessions I've ever had. I could of lost and just been happy to life tilt someone THAT HARD!! All told I left with $1250, not bad for a $1/$3 game. This further proves my claim that cash at the more touristy hotels is MUCH BETTER. F YOU VENETIAN!!

Taking This Show on the Road

2009-06-04T01:08:00.001-07:00

OK boys and girls, just like the title says I am taking this sheeeeet live. Until the first week of July I plan to play live 5-6 days per week. Don't fret, you can still get my updates on this new thing the young whipper snappers are calling twitter.... My name there is cracknaces and hopefully I will figure all this crap out so I can post from the tables. This works out well for all of you bored working stiffs I guess, you can live vicariously through me from your cubicles! Or you can sit back and laugh (haters know who they are) as I get two outed on again for $100K, whichever you prefer... Here is what's on the agenda until July 5th.

- I will be working off a pretty slim live allowance I have set for myself ($15K). I have every intention of winning something or losing all of this, whichever comes first. No blinders I do not want an ROI lesson or "bankroll management" advice. This is straight up gamble money, plain and simple....

- A very steady dose of $2/$5 cash ONLY at Rio, Bellagio, MGM, or Caesars. That's right, F Venetian and their rocks! I will play these after MTTs, or on days when there are no MTTs going on that I am interested in. Without a doubt though I will be playing cash all night long every Friday and Saturday, if I am not feel free to kick my ass.

- At least 4 MTTs per week. There are plenty to choose from right now between WSOP, Venetian, Caesars, Binions, even the Golden Nugget. As of now I only plan to play one WSOP event, the gay $1500 that Hoyazo is in and other bloggers I am sure. Please don't contact me with % swaps unless you have won something before, unless I get 1/2 of you and you get 1% of me :)

- A lot of satellites at RIO, Venetian, Caesars. These things are very profitable for anyone with any grasp of ICM, SNG theory, patience, and well basically common sense. As an added bonus you get to crush people's dreams in the process! WSOP sats are ideal because there are more bad players and lamers are easy to sell off (or at least they used to be). If I get hot in satellites like I did in 06 I will play a lot of events though, just never RAZZ again EVER!

Things are going to start off slowly as I have some loose ends to tie up before I dive into this venture. I will not be playing until Saturday unfortunately. Rest is what I really need right now, I am still hung over from Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.... Saturday I will probably play the $300 NLHE over at Golden Nugget only because the field will be small and its not a 2 day event. The damn TOC is killing me, I can't commit to a two-day event because of it, and my favorite game (HORSE) is being played at Venetian Sunday :(

Yeah, I Really Pissed Jebus Off

2009-06-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

4:1 to take massive chip lead 3 handed :(

Fuck You Poker Jebus

2009-06-02T00:23:00.001-07:00

I'm glad they put you on a cross.... No cards, get re raised every steal, and finally run AQ into AA 5 handed??? No wonder everyone hated you and kicked your ass!

Sundays Can Still Suck My Cock buuuuttt..

2009-06-01T03:17:00.000-07:00

Two massive coolers in each to finish 3rd and 4th since it is Sunday after all.... JJ vs QQ 3 handed blind vs blind, and 555KK vs quads against guy who raised pre and checked to the river. I should thank my lucky stars though, I don't remember much, too busy gabbing on radio, being drunk, hungover, only got 3 hours sleep. I didn't even know I was at final table till someone in girly chat told me and we were 7 handed I think. I do remember flopping two sets and losing though AND getting KQ all in pre vs KK, making gutter as well as 78s vs 99 whiffing flop all in pre M shove going runner runner 7, 8 lol @ Stars RNG, some things never change.... So still F you Sundays!

Holy God (Allah, or whatever)

2009-05-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

I never post my wins anymore, seems kind of pointless and nothing but a grab at attention to me... I HAVE TO POST THIS ONE THOUGH. This is hardly the biggest win monetarily, but man I think I am more proud of this one than ANY in my past. I want you to imagine 1500 $15 tournament players playing LIMIT Omaha /8 and you winning that. Doesn't seem possible right? I took at least 94 bad beats, I was short a lot, yet somehow won this Mini WSOP thing!!!

They even give you a watch ahhahaha!! Probably a little plastic piece of shit, but whatever. You will see that watch on EBAY in no time, so buy it and tell your friends lies. Like the guy who bought a WSOP chip I stole from the RAZZ event in 06 for $400. I bet he uses it as a card protector and tells his home game peeps "I played the big one".

Won this not even 24 hours later and I don't even care. ANY MONKEY can run good in NLHE :) Unfortunately my run good juice died out two hours before the final table and I was forced to play "smokkee/blinders/buddydank wait for huge hands cause I am so short poker" :(

BBT Odds

2009-05-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

OK, I am too lazy for the groupings.... Believe it or not, once you get off a computer for awhile you dread going back :) if your name is not on the list its because I have no clue who you are, sorry. There are 41 "players" in the TOC as I type this, with two events to go. I am 100% confident though that one of the same lucktrucks that keep getting slapped by the deck will take down the final two BBT events.

125Will(20.5/1) Not a lot of experience or major wins in bloggerments or real poker that I know of.
Queensup(2/1) This doesn't mean I think QueensUp can play poker, its just that this guy gets more cards and wins more races than anyone I have ever seen in my life (not named Jordan).
AlcantHang(41/1) Nice guy, host of BBT afterall, but just doesn't play much poker.
APOSEC(10/1) More tight solid player than most bloggers.
F-Train(19/1) Never met a pair or two pretty picture cards that he did not like. Absent of getting a deck spanking, just can't see it.
Buddydank(41/1) Way to tight and timid, yet somehow always gets paid off by idiot bloggers who CALL his all ins. News flash people, buddy has AK, AA, KK, QQ every time he ships it pre....
CK31(15/1) Understands poker, just not much tournament savvy yet. She only gets higher odds than most because she has a vag and it really seems to me that these guys fold to girls like its cool in BBT....
Columbo(7/1) Columbo has really mixed his game up, some days he is spew monkey, others he plays tighter than BuddyDank, Smokkee, Blinders combined. This makes him pretty tough to play against IMO.
DrPauly(1/1) I figure since he was already given a seat for free the deck will be stacked for him....
HighOnPoker(1/12,050) This guy just simply cannot lose.... He calls all in with KJ, guy has KT, he calls with 55, guy has 44. It really is very unfortunate that this guy cannot run like this in a REAL tournament ONE TIME, he would be millionaire. Short term luck is just more probable in small fields, so a field of 41 I can't see how this guy will lose!
Hoyazo(82/1) Like me, I am sure Hoy will tilt out of this thing about half way through due to not getting any strong starting hands, watching the same people get big hands over and over, and watching AJ vs 44 all in pres. So basically hoy might as well skip this event.
JJOK(5/1) Guy only played like one event and won a Mookie no less! If he can run like that once in a mookie, can't see why it won't happen again.
Joanne(41/1) Too easy here, she limp calls its marginal, raises its huge. Yet people still pay her off..... Anyone who limp calls off stack UTG with 66 needs to step back, play less, read more, formulate a better strategy. Or perhaps just take up pulling slot machines or playing bingo?
Lucko(9/1) If Lucko gets his share of big starting hands he could easily win this. I have the feeling though some limp callers later on are going to kill him with A6o all night though :(
MiamiDon(12/1) This guy will piss off so many people on the radio, during the MTT, or in his blog that if he gets any cards whatsoever he will get paid.
PushMonkey(41/1) Name says it all right?
Pvanharibo(1/1) Just like lucko, very aggro pre flop, will fire every flop, very susceptible to a slow player with a hand. This group however seems to fold a lot to her, like CK (see the vag effect on CKs post). She should be able to amass a huge stack just raising every pot pre really....
QRS1(8/1) Pretty tight aggro player, usually has pretty good hand when all in. I also believe this is a woman, so again, see vag power. If nobody knows she is a woman though she won't get the same folds sadly. If I was her I would email every player in the TOC before the TOC with topless photos, I'm just sayin....
Rakefeeder(42/1) Not much to say that you don't know....
ShabazzJenkins(4/1) Shabazz has been a pretty good player for awhile now, he deserves this win IMO.
Smokkee(5/1) I predict $mokkee will get it all in pre vs dumb people like usual, win more than his share, once shorthanded though he will come apart at the seems and get 3rd. $mokkee is always the bridesmaid when real money/prizes are on the line :(
TuscJohn(1/1,000,000) This guy runs so Fing good its silly! If he doesn't win it will be collapse similar to NE losing to NYG in SB.
Vinnay(41/1) Errr no

Blogger Big Game Mulligan/Buddy Dank Radio

2009-05-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

I have created a $40+$4 Blogger Big Game Mulligan MTT (PASSWORD = vegas) exactly one hour after the start of the Big Game this coming Sunday, May 31st. This is the end of the BBT, so go out in style and win something nice! If a spew monkey can win four seats, and a girl two, you can surely win something right?

Still waiting to hear from Miami Don, but Sunday should be an "Asshat" reunion on BDR. You know what that means right? Radio that DOESN'T SUCK!

- No love stories
- No poems
- No Canada knowledge, F Canada
- No music requests, only music that does not suck will be played

So if you are lucky Don will have 3/4 of a bottle of vodka down before this starts and you will get some more one line wonders! Too bad he can't pass out and sleep in my dogs corner on the dogs pillow again though :(

An Open Letter to Mr AlCantHang

2009-05-18T02:00:00.001-07:00

If you agree please let him know. I cannot see how anyone would disagree with deep stack grand finale with longer levels. Well maybe TuscaloosaJohn, Queensup, or some of these other people who haven't lost a race since 1984 would. If I ran like them I would push for 100 chip turbo actually :)

Dear AlCantHang,

For the love of god can you please get FTP to do something special for the TOC? Like the Sunday Mill structure with 5K chips? Something, anything different that will allow for more play.... If I have to watch one of these tard monkeys who thinks AJ is good vs 4th raise all in pre win a Main Event seat vs 33 I may have to kill myself! I think it would be pretty cool if you know, people actually have to take flops and make decisions and all. It would almost be a scene similar to a poker game, people would be all lost and shit, it would be awesome honestly, recordable even.

Also, is it just me or is the last Big Game scheduled for Day of TOC? How is that gonna work if this is the case? Shouldn't the last Big Game be everyone's last chance to get in? Plus how sweet will it be to see waffles put up 100% of his roll and have to get backing for the other $59.75 of the Big Game buy-in only to bubble with AA vs a hammer?

PS. I am in no way ungrateful for you and FTP showering this group with undeserved gifts. Personally I just think a lot of people would like a great grand finale, similar to what bocock did for us at end of bodonkey.

Hockey Thoughts...

2009-05-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

I am one of the few Americans who actually enjoys hockey I believe. Growing up in the Detroit Area it wasn't uncommon for us to be playing street hockey from noon till sundown every weekend as a kid. I didn't have the opportunity to play ice hockey until high school unfortunately because I was poor, and well hockey is the most expensive sport there is.... It really is so sad for me to see how irrelevant hockey has become in America. The games are so frigging intense, there is no better moment in all of sports than an OT playoff hockey game in my opinion. Every shot has you on the edge of your seat! I have a couple complaints about modern hockey though:

- What P.C vagina asses thought it was a good idea to make the rinks bigger? I know why they did it, to eliminate goons in hockey. News flash, goons in hockey make the sport awesome! Bob Probert and Ty Domi were probably my two favorite players of all time. I can't even count the times that as soon as the puck dropped on the opening face off these guys just dropped their gloves and commenced to whoopin somebodies ASS! Now hockey fights are a rare treat, and the refs step in way to soon to bust em up.....

- The television rights to the NHL in hockey are just floating out there and nobody will pick it up! Literally just give it away for a couple years NHL and win back the pre-strike fans!

- Way too many friggin teams make the NHL playoffs. I cannot even count how many times my team (Red Wings) have won the Presidents Cup (best regular season record) only to run into some crap team like the Ducks with a hot goalie. This process makes about as much sense as schools and sports leagues giving every kid a trophey, such pussy shit... People wonder why America is full of mommy boy, metro-sexual males who enjoy shopping for clothes and plucking their eyebrows! Reward regular season success with better odds at the cup please... My guys have 11 cups, but they would have over 20 if the NHL didn't just let everyone in.

/Rant

Been Awhile

2009-05-06T01:31:00.001-07:00

Many people would say I have been running well of late. I on the other hand would say that I have been running like total shit.... First the good I guess since I never post anything here.

1st in $25K
1st in $28K
1st in $20K
1st in $5K (HORSE)
1st in $4K (PLHE)
2nd in $11K
2nd in $50K
2nd in $6K (PLHE)
3rd in $32K
5th in $18K
6th in $30K

I would say these all took place from mid-March on. So how could I be running bad you ask? I swear to fucking christ (someone else if you are Jewish) I have final table bubbled or gotten 8th or 9th no less than a dozen freaking times in between all that. The fucking worst was Sunday when I was in a $50 on Stars with like 2600 runner, 1st is $20K, I get AQ vs AK blind vs blind and KK all in pre vs AQ on 5 handed table (final table bubble). So I go from 3rd in chips to crippled with a "blinders stack" and out in 9th. Yeah, I am an ungrateful ass so eat my cock anyone who thinks that....

I also continue to run like shit in $200s on Sunday, I seriously fucking wish FTP would let me ban myself from Sunday Majors. Not cause the buy-ins are a ton or anything, just cause I have zero fucking prayer in any of them and I know it. So I guess I am insane because I continue to play them for some ungodly fucking reason. Poker is like fucking heroin, you are always chasing the dragon only a couple lucksacks ever get the opportunity to touch. Most importantly I have yet to win a mookie.... I will still never be considered good in the eyes of peers until I am lucky enough to get rail roaded with cards to call everyone's all ins with in one of those. Since after all that is the only way to win one of those.... I'd give back all the $ for one mookie title :(

OK, just to give people something to laugh at I am gonna play my nuts (yes I have two unlike a blogger or two we all know) off during FTOPS. I am a sadist or something, I just don't get it.... I have never in my life done well in FTOPS. The best I ever did was like 15th or something in a $500 PLO event awhile back. PLO doesn't count for shit unfortunately in my book as it is a total luck sack skill less game IMO. Calling PLO poker is like calling RAZZ poker, even though there is more strategy in freaking UNO than RAZZ! So I have the next couple weeks off, so if I were you I would register for every event I am in since there is at least one dead money ass in it (me).

Memo to FTP, you have so many fucking promotions going on and leader boards that I have no fucking clue what is what. Trying to decipher that shit would give Albert Einstein a headache. Simplify things geniuses!

While on the subject of FTP, isn't it dumb to pimp your poker school with the picture of a washed up dinosaur like Howard Lederer? That guy hasn't won shit since poker became relevant right? He is the smartest poker player alive though, he just collects the rake and counts money all day, but still.... Why not use some real players like Allen Cunningham or something to teach people to play better?

Waffles Kid?

2009-03-24T18:06:00.001-07:00

Did Waffles knock up a German Amputee hooker that wouldn't even refuse him? This has to be his love child....

Knowledge Drop

2009-03-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

If your biggest net win in your poker history is $35.67 do not type "booooooom" after you cooler someone.....

Oh I Feel Dirty....

2009-03-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

After some ass rammings early on in the BBT I luck trucked a win in the gheyest MTT on earth, HORSE. Fittingly I played like a HORSES ASS after literally trying to bust out after the first break after getting rivered like 4 times... Lesson learned, play like shit, win a BBT. Take notes JD Schellnut! I seriously might quit poker forever after running through THAT field of madness.... If I win a mookie in my lifetime I am seriously done playing forever!

Knowledge Drop/BBT/John Rocker

2009-03-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

Don't get KK when other people get AA

Some luck trucks have won BBT events

HBO has a new comedy that is clearly modeled after the life of John Rocker, check it out. Funny to see what a running joke sports have become in this country......

Best Video Ever Maybe....

2009-02-23T20:21:00.000-08:00

I Fucking Hate You

2009-02-22T02:06:00.000-08:00

You Dirty Cunt of an MTT!!! GET FUCKING AIDS!#%$#%@$!

Suicide Sunday...

2009-02-15T12:24:00.000-08:00

Bout to give a couple thousand bucks away today, pray you are at my table and never fold!

Still Think FTOPS Is Not Watered Down?

2009-02-12T17:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I am gonna have to say they run FTOPS waaaaaaaay to often and need to infuse some other tournament series ideas.....

Live Poker Eats Cock!

2009-02-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

-Set over set on literally the second hand T82-4-2 on the board and I only called the river cause I felt something horrible, was right, guy has TT, I show him what I had and he insta-tilts.... I probably should of gone broke here, but like I said I felt something was up. On-line I go busto there every time though I promise :)

-OESD+Flush Draw+Two Overs, called down by middle pair

-AQ, Q high flop, guy slow played KK in level two

-Go from 2800 (started with 12K) to 14K by the break and 35K near dinner

-KK vs AJ, 25K all in re re raise by AJ off UTG, JJ4 flop....

-Build back to 24K

-KK all in AGAIN 20 minutes after the first, called by QA, A first card off, GG me, live players are soooo good.....

Why Am I So Results Orientated?

2009-02-11T00:04:00.000-08:00

So I made a couple final tables today at FTP... That's right, I have been playin g on FTP for like a week or two now. Apparently my doom switch is still stuck in the on position as obviously somebody at Full Tilt has AIDS and took great offense to my remarks of the past..... I have had countless deep runs the past couple days only to get all in good and lose every time it seems when it matters most. Case in point the $32K tonight.
I had the chip lead from about three tables down, raising about every pot and winning non-stop uncontested. At the final table I go pretty dead after losing a race AQ vs 88. I get AK with 6 left vs table crazy and shorty. I floated the crazy for 90K and shorty moves 280K all in, crazy shoves all in, now there is about 3mil in the pot. Obviously I have to call here since I am race or killing this guy.... So I end up chopping a 3mil chip pot which I would of had four handed vs 800K and lower of the 3 remaining players!
See most people are happy to get 4th of 1700+ rabid donks (imagine running through a field of 1700 mookie players)! I am steaming right now, pissed as hell! I guess someday I will just be able to count my lucky stars... Really after that hand happened I got 88 all in vs shorty who had KK, and lost 77 vs AQ 4 handed, hands that play themselves. But like the title of this post indicated I am way to results orientated, I can't stand not winning :(
This one hurt as well..... It is a turbo though so I can stomach not winning this one a lot more easily than the others. Just go card dead on final table and lose every race, its very easy!!
Starting to notice a recurring theme from this evening yet? I mean seriously, a guy rivered a gutter ball on this final table vs me in big pot, get K8 all in last hand, A88 flop, A river, gg me.... F You FTP and your hatred for AIDS jokes!!!

Anyway, made ghey final table of HORSE, never really got anything going. Got it in good in RAZZ and lost, what else is new. Lost RAZZ MTT at FTP yesterday in 2nd place to the worst poker player in history. I mean that guy made pirate lawyers poker ability look like Doyle Brunson! He was that HIDEOUS! Admittedly though I played like ass myself after watching these people play RAZZ I went bananas a couple times...

Gonna skip work today and head over to Venetian with Don and Dollar Sign AKA: Smokkee so I can donate $330 to the peeps over there. I have never run good at this hell hole in my entire life! When I used to play live a lot I final tabled like probably a dozen times there and NEVER won outright! Chopped a tiny one once though at least I guess.... I am such an idiot for even going over there for this, may the force be with me....

Knowledge Drop

2009-02-02T07:34:00.001-08:00

The Super Bowl is rigged....

- I get up to piss after beer number 14, come back, James Harrison's big ass is huffing and puffing down the sidelines.... Not even a minute before that I was explaining to my wife that the only way that bet loses is if there is a 100 yard turnover housed! "That will never happen in the SB, only shit teams like the Lions do that stuff".....

- Only 27 points on the board in the 4th quarter, "this Under is in the bag baby!"

BBT3 Wishlist...

2009-01-30T08:51:00.000-08:00

Clearly I am dreamin out loud, but here goes anyway;

- Please god no limit events... Skill Series was the dumbest idea I have ever had next to installing and using photoshop :)

- How about a $10 1r 1a? These tournaments allow for some pretty deep stacked poker...

- The less $10 and below events the better.... I know its fun and all playing two card bingo when you can only lose $10. This encourages bad players to never improve their play (just watch piratelawyer play). Shouldn't all bloggers be striving to get better at poker? Anyone can call a three bet shove with fold equity and K high or 55 when it only costs them $10.....

- Please someone, anyone make a scene and piss some people off!! Bloggerdom is currently dying due to lack of entertainment. Perhaps buddydank will have an "asshat frat crew" revival to foster some hatred and interest at the same time?

First 2nd Ever

2009-01-17T15:43:00.000-08:00

Well I was playing this tiny MTT again at UB this morning since wife is on bed rest and there is no more football I am super bored. It dawned on me that all these UB wins recently have been five 1st and one 3rd, now a 2nd....

You know, anything but 1st hurts so bad anymore, I guess that is just a bi-product of winning? I gag when I read some of these blogs where people are actually happy about say 5th place finishes.... Even though this thing was teeny and 1st wasn't a ton more money, nothing enrages me more than getting there and not being able to seal the deal. I guess this is something that I will just never understand about people.

Have a Nasty Cold

2009-01-08T15:42:00.003-08:00

Haven't played much in past couple weeks, maybe I should get sick more often?? I do feel a little "immoral" about all this though......

Well....

2008-12-22T00:29:00.000-08:00

I guess you can't win them all. Even though I am greatly disappointed that this is my first UB final table without a 1st place I guess I have to happy with a top 3 finish..... Hoyazo final tabled this one last night, got 5th after taking two vicious beats on the final table. UB is EZ!

I am taking the next couple weeks off from poker to spend time with family for the holidays. Not sure when or if I will be back to play. I love poker, but it is consuming. I spent a lot of time losing weight and trying to repair myself from what poker did to me. Some people can find a balance, I cannot. I go 100 MPH or 0 MPH in everything I do..... Being lazy and sitting in front of my monitor all day playing time consuming MTTs drives me insane anymore, even when I am winning!

GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!

2008-12-18T23:17:00.000-08:00

Cliff Notes:

- I am the greatest poker blogger of all time

- Flopped set, smokkee calls about half his stack off to hit a flush with Q2

- APOC crippled me on final table when he cold called stack off with 66.

- Down to 2K (we started with 5K), I get KJ all in next hand vs JJ, K on river BINK!

- STB gifted me an entire chip leaders stack on two hands, even stacking off to smokkee earlier with 55 after the tightest blogger alive raised in EP and 4 overs on the board he CALLS shove with 55 on turn....

- Almost knocked Wonka out, hits two outter on river....

- I get it all in 1:3 vs Wonka, make full hizzouse, I win third bodonkey in a row!

- Receive 15 instant messages thanking me for making them $250....

- I AM THE GREATEST POKER BLOGGER OF ALL TIME BEEEEEEEEECHES!

Thank You Bodog for rightfully awarding me everything that I deserved (being the greatest player of all time and all).

Seriously?

2008-12-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

I really don't even know what to say anymore. On a side note the "Bododonkey Final" is tonight. No doubt waffles and others will make this SNG seem like the end all be all. So whoever wins the "free roll" is the greatest player alive FYI.... I have the worst odds of winning of every participant according to bodog. Too bad they will only let me bet $25.....

Knowledge Drop

2008-12-15T23:19:00.001-08:00

Run Good

Someone Should Request an Investigation

2008-12-12T00:59:00.000-08:00

Because I won this tournament again, yawn..... For some reason the screen never updated, but I won 1st, KOH (smokkee) was there hatin, ask him... That is 3/6 days, wtf is that all about? This is how it feels to be sprstoner and/or lucko21 I guess, just win every crucial race, be on right side of coolers and you are god..... I would also like to report that UB cash outs only take three days, pretty unreal if you ask me!

Near miss in this donkament.... Funny story, didn't even know I was at the final table for the longest time because I was so busy winning bodonkey and the other one. I also had a stack in the money of another UB MTT, so I slacked here and probably cost myself a chance since stacks get shallow so fast at bodog.

Yeah, I won this thing somehow. Special thanks to the call stations and overall bad players shorthanded in this thing. Remarkably though I am not guaranteed a seat in the finals of this thing even though I have 1/2/4/5 place finishes. What kind of fucked up ass system is this?

Ultimate Bet Poker is Also Rigged

2008-12-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

UB/Absolute are on the same poker network now called Cerus. Ever since that 60 minutes episode I am starting to think less and less that these places are rigged. Or maybe they simply made be the super all-seeing bot?

Absolute Poker is So Rigged!

2008-12-05T01:51:00.000-08:00

Obviously nobody should ever play there, especially tonight for the first time..... One would have to be a complete idiot to deposit at this place and play an MTT!! Clearly this place is just full of bots that can see all of your hole cards......

Poker 101

2008-11-30T17:36:00.000-08:00

Have the best hand when you are all in......

A Good Example

2008-11-25T06:09:00.000-08:00

Of people who know what they are....

Knowledge Drop

2008-11-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

You are not good at poker just because you have a blog..... If you have not one a significant MTT or play $5/$10 NL or something nobody really wants to hear your opinions on poker. Does Dan Rather report about the Super Bowl? Do the Lions tell the Titans how to play football? Do the Pittsburgh Pirates think they are better than the Phillies? Think before you type, people know your poker history people.....

Poker Nugget

2008-11-12T18:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes pocket Aces lose, even after calling an all-in on the flop.....

Knowledge Drop

2008-11-11T18:02:00.001-08:00

Only "professionals" win races

Poker Knowledge

2008-11-08T19:22:00.001-08:00

Win Races........

Poker Tip of the Week

2008-11-04T21:03:00.001-08:00

A bigger pair beats a smaller pair....

Update

2008-11-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

I like flowers, they smell good

Yes

2008-10-17T10:27:00.001-07:00

Poker is fun

Poker is cool

You get two cards

If you have better hand you win

Poker is all skill

No luck in poker at all

/End

I am eligible for any and all bloggaments, yahtzee!!